To be one in a sea of millions

So today was not a good day in the world of Sarah. We had to turn in our midterms for art class and I was super proud of it because it's so much better then what I had first done but I got told to redo it. I also realized today that I am only one person in the whole world. That is a very scary thing to realize, and also mildly humbling. Because I also realized that the people I'm close with have changed in the past year. And that really doesn't bother me as much as it should, because my once best friend in the whole entire world means nothing to me any more. And other people have become my rocks, or at least the people I go to when something is wrong. Honestly its so strange that we used to be so close and now I can't even stand to hear her name.

I mildly wonder if it's my fault that we're no longer friends. Thats something I worry about with other people, I wonder if my personality that drives people away. If I'm really just that much of a handful that people stop wanting to deal with me... Ugh.

Never wanted to dance with nobody but you

Oh wow, it's been forever and a day since I've posted anything here. I think I mildly suck for that. I've had a lot going on the past couple months. I got in a fight with my once best friend and I don't think that we'll ever make up after this one. It's... Well it's complicated. Actually now that I think about it, I'm no longer friends with two people that I used to be super close with. Kinda sucks, but thats life. Strangely I don't care as much as I should. Also! I've had more hours at work and in class so I haven't had as much time to write anything, of any nature. And more exciting/less depressing news I went to my first con this weekend! Ohayocon! The most fun I've had in a super long time. I think I have possibly found the place where I can be me and not worry about people thinking I'm a freak or anything like that. I have been to the world of con's and I like it there! I wish I was able to go to another one soon, but I don't think there are any in my area anytime soon.

I saw some crazy outfits at Ohayocon and had some fun times and some not so fun times. Lol. Like my friend and I were waiting in line to get an autograph from Patrick Seitz but some real craziness happened that ending in us waiting for 40 minutes before being shoved to the back of the line. More or less I got pissed so we walked off to go to a different panel. We ran into Patrick later when he was signing something for someone else, we told him what happened and he felt super bad about it and gave us his autograph. He's so sweet! I wasn't going to get a photograph with him but my friend grabbed my camera and Patrick was like "I'm here! Just go for it!" so I did =]

I also met some cool people! I kept running into this guy that I'm pretty sure works at the taco bell in Lancaster. Hmmm not sure, the guy is kinda cute. ALSO! I met a cool Sebby and Ciel, yea I am that lame that I got excited about running into them several times and getting their numbers. I'm also sad that I didn't get to met up with one of my online friends. Damn!! Thats okay, he's trying to get me to go to some other cons. I really loved being at Ohayocon. **sighs happily**

Oooohhhh! Because it really has nothing to do with anything else, I am currently scared for my car. There is a huge ice covered branch hanging over my car and branches keep falling. TT-TT poor car. I'm really not looking forward to driving to class tomorrow if I have it. Nor am I really looking forward to work but it means that I get money so thats good. Ugh I'm slightly sleepy so I'm going back to looking up Hetalia pics and will probably end up falling asleep on my laptop.

Night,

Sarah  ((Please forgive anything stupid that I might have written, my brain is dead right now))

I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts...

But not really. It has been a very very long time since I last posted and that is a very sad thing. I am once again sitting in my art class. I've noticed thats where I seem to do most of blogging. I've also noticed that I never say anything of real importance but I'm not sure that's a big deal.

I did learn something though. Crying out side of a maze on a cold night at a boyscout event is not a smart idea. It's a very good way to catch a cold. But it is a good way to learn that you have very beautiful eyes after you cry. Yes. I sobbed like a small child for almost half an hour because of some idiot and that was just the straw that broke the damn. [Yes I know that's not the correct expression but I don't care] I sobbed on my friend's shoulder because I needed to. I had been bottling up too much for too long. My fears, the hurts I've suffered the past few months, the shattered dreams, Just the general pain of the last few months. After crying and shaking cuz it was stupid cold out I was informed that my eye's are a beautiful shade of green. Strangest thing that has been said to me in a long time. I was flattered but startled by the mild strangeness of it all. But yea. Thats the lesson for this blog post. If that can even be called a lesson xD

I'm currently proud of my self though, I've gotten back into writing and I'm loving it. It's such a good feeling to write something and to have people give comments on it. Very fantastic =]

I don't really have anything else to say right now. I might later we'll see.

Bombing a test!

So I've had writers block the last few months and I've finally started to get out of it. So I did a meme of sorts. The way this worked was I put my itunes on shuffle and had to write something based on the song. The time limit was the length of the song once the song ends I stopped writing. It was fun but kinda hard. So here....Um yea xD

Show me love – T.A.T.U

Love is a funny thing, you think you need it and once you have it you forget everything. You want to think that you'll never get hurt and once it ends you can just go back to how you once were. Then you realize that you can't. That it's all in the past and then suddenly you start craving that madness again. You want someone to show you that it's okay, that you just made a bad choice. That it was a one time thing, but it's not. It's all a game that goes on and on and on. You can't escape it. You can never escape it. You want it, you need it. It becomes a sickness that you want a cure for but at the same time never want to be cured. It's a cycle you can't break. You want it so bad, that it just hides inside your heart and waits to strike again when it can. You want to be shown that it's real and not a lie another person told you.

Stamp on the ground – ItaloBrothers

A stamping pounding sound, almost like a heart beat. A random need to jump up and dance. To throw your hands in the air and kick up your feet. A need to do something out of the norm. To do something fun and insane. You get lost in the sounds and turn the music up louder, you escape in side your head to a place where your the king. Where life isn't holding you back, your holding the cards in this place where there is nothing to show the passing of time except for the beating of the drums. The need to move your body and laugh grows stronger as the song continues to play. You can't help the stupid smile that spreads across your face as you act out on those impulses you just go. You feel amazing and wonder why you don't do this more often. The beat gets inside and stays there, and keeps pounding long after the music ends.

Friend or Foe – T.A.T.U

I think maybe I really did care for you once but now I don't know. I don't even know where I stand with you! We used to talk all the time and tell each other that we cared and would always be there. All of those words have disappeared. All caring gestures have disappeared as well. I can't tell if we are friends or if we're strangers now. I can't get a word from you, you wont tell me! I'm lost, we used to be so close and I thought it would never end. Can this damage be fixed or is it gone for ever? We used to know each other! I never questioned if you would ever become a stranger to me or not. I used to know that you were a friend and that we cared.

All the things she said – T.A.T.U

So many things were said, some in anger some not. It doesn't matter anymore does it? They can't be taken back. All of the things I said swirl in my head, I can't help but think that they tied me down. If I had never said anything thing I would still be free wouldn't I? But I said those things because you wouldn't say anything! I'm so lost, is it my fault? Why did this happen? Was it my words? Your words? Or the feelings we both shared, was that was caused us to say what we did? Can we ever forget those words? Have we gone crazy? Did we cross some line that has cost us our sanity? Or is it just me who is so effected by all the things we said.

Monster – Lady Gaga

I am a monster, I let you crawl into my life and take it over. I should have listened when they told me that you were bad news, that I would just get hurt by you. I was lost in your lies and in your eyes. You had me hypnotized, I thought I would be okay and that I would still have my heart when and if it ended. I was so wrong, you sunk your claws in and didn't let go. I lost my mind to you. You hurt me then moved on, you played it off so skill fully. Making sure that you destroyed me first then moving on to make sure that you didn't get hurt. I wanted something simple that wouldn't hurt to get out of, but you monster. You kept me from that and played me. You played me with a sweet little smile and kept the game going.

Clowns (Can you see me now?) - T.A.T.U

Ah the joys of being a third wheel, hiding feelings, not letting people know that your hurting and you want nothing more then for them to look up and see you. You want them to stop hiding their eyes and skipping right over you. You want people to see you and realize that your a person with feelings and secrets too. That your just not the happy go-lucky person you pretend to be. You want them to stop talking like your not there. You need them to see you and stop the pain you feel. You need them to see you, it stopped being a want a long time ago. It's become a burning need for them to see you and love you. You need this.

Going down in flames – 3 doors down

I'm done with you and your lies. I was there for you this whole time. I don't care anymore, I'm done. You don't care, you can't even be there to catch me when I trip what happens when I fall? You wont be there! This is just a game to you! I don't need you to tell me how to play it! I can figure it out, I don't need an experts help I can do it just fine. I don't need your help ever again. I'll catch my self. Lord knows your gonna need me at some point and I wont be there to help but I don't care. I'm falling down.

Why kiss the feet of the people who kick you?

First off the title is from a song that is currently my theme song. I can't remember the title right now cuz my brain is go boom! [yes I meant that] I'm sitting in my university class and I really hate this class. It's boring as hell and doesn't keep my attention very well. Plus I currently feel like my head is stuffed with cotton. It hurts basicly. ugh. Seriously not fun!!! UUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

I want this class to be over so I can go home and sleep or something. I probably have to make dinner and take Paddy to Sax tonight. Ew. Not fun!!! uggggggghhh Serious dislike..... I've just realized that I really have nothing to say about anything today. Not even my normal useless rambling. It's just not happening today. TT-TT That makes me just a lil bit sad. **sniff** Gross. Maybe I'll have something to say later.

Sarah

I'm sitting on a cloud of taco's

At least I wish I was! I would like a taco right now. I'm sitting in my art class and I'm bored already. Seriously, like we had to write a paper for this class. I got a B on it and the teacher-man says he needs to talk to me about it. And he did editing on it, I greatly dislike. This is an art class not an english class. He has no right to correct my paper. Stupid loser face!!! Honestly this class is more like a humanities class then an art class. Oh! The time is [6:17] Just so you know where I'm at in the night.

[6:18] Ughggghghghghghgh I really dislike this class. First off it's supposed to start at 6 pm he has yet to get here on time for class. He normally doesn't get here until like 6:10  or later.

[6:31] the tech troubles continue. Teacher man is not good with technology, not at all.  Ugh! My stomach is wanting food but I have no food to give it til I get home! UCK!! I need to go and bring snacks for class. That would be the smart thing to do.

[6:33] Today I got a bunch of Tsubasa manga from the library and signed up to vote! Woo! I am a grown-person!! At least in the eye's of the government I am! Not in my eyes, no not at all! I am still a small child who just happens to get to be able to do big people stuffz now too! YAY!!! I think I may start reading manga online soon. It's kinda funny, nobody really pays attention in class. We all kinda do our own thing.

[6:36] My stomach just made a funny noise......

[6:50] I really kind of dislike people right now. Like some stupid shite has happened over the last couple of days and honestly it's more then I want to deal with right now. I'm not sure people realize how much a facebook status can hurt. Like a friend of mine posted something that really hurt and I don't think she's realized how much it's hurt me. I've told her so many times that she makes me feel like a third wheel. She says she's sorry but then she goes and does it again but I keep fighting to stay in her life and everything. I've finally realized that it's not worth it. If she wants me in her life then she needs to be the one to fight for it for once. He does too, I'm so tired of fighting for it when neither one of them is trying to fight back and keep me in their lives. So thats fine, I'm done trying. If they want me then they want me, if they don't they don't. Life goes on, yea it'll hurt to know for sure that they don't care about me but I'll be better off in the long run.

[6:58] Now I'm annoyed again and hungry still and my back hurts. The girl just messaged me asking how I was and saying how much she misses me....She clearly does not understand/know that I am upset with her. Ugh and of course if I don't say anything then I'll be the bad guy who just stopped talking. Ugh. I don't know if I wanna go through with this but I can't just give in again! I have to stand up for myself! I can't be the wall flower anymore!!

[7:13] it's official I hate people. This other chick now thinks that I'm royally pissed at her just because I haven't talked to her in awhile and she won't come to me about it because I "wont give her a straight answer" Her words not mine. That really just pisses me off. I'm so sick of drama! I don't want to fucking deal with it. I've got enough going on in my life right now. I don't need your bullshite too. I really think that I'm just gonna cut everyone out and let those who are willing to fight to keep me in their lives. For once people you fight for me, show me that I mean something to you and that I'm just not something to pass the time.

There was a storm....til I told it off!

Wow so apparently squares are art. Ugh this class is so just....MUFFIN!! Honestly! I'm typing this during class as he shows us pictures of prostitutes or at least how Picasso views them. This class is so strange!! Colescott's version of prostitutes now. Honestly this is the strangest art class that I have ever taken!!

I think I'm writing this now because this class bores me and according to my brother we don't have power at home cause of the storms that happened so I wont be able to charge my laptop

GOD DAMN MONKIES!! Stupid teacher man goes to fast for me to take notes. I'mma have to download the notes from blackboard now. Ugh! I hate downloading stuff that I don't need to. EW

Ugh anyway, I felt really pretty today which was really super nice! I love when I feel pretty!! It doesn't happen all that often.

AH! Because I'm thinking of it! I get to see Lizzie this weekend!! And possibly am staying the night!! YAY!! I don't get to see Lizz often enough! Stupid school getting in the way! I also might get to see Goat [Its a nickname] this weekend. I really hope that I do get to see her. I haven't seen her since the end of camp. And that makes me sad because we got really close this summer. Last summer we really didn't like each other but we do this year! So I MISS HER!!!

I have noticed lately that people have stopped posting things on facebook or aren't responding to my texts/messages and that worries me. I like to know that people are doing okay so it's not cool when they suddenly stop having contact with me. I get really worried. And right now there are several people who I haven't had contact with and I'm really honestly quite upset about that. THEY SHOULD TEXT/MESSGAE ME RIGHT NOW!!!

**sighs** Sorry this is another random one. I'm in a funky mood right now so my mind is in highgear and running in more directions then usual. Kinda sucks, it's giving me a headache ughhh!!!! Dislike yo!! **stomach makes a strange noise** agh!! I didn't finish my dinner cause of the storms. I got a doggy box/bag thing and drove back to the school. Then sat in an area that was mostly glass because this whole building has a lot of glass. There are no area's that aren't near glass. I got told I had to move so I went and sat in a hallway xD then I moved and sat next to a 7-up soda machine. But I had been sitting in that glass area for at least 10 minutes with the sirens blaring the whole time. Those damn things are really shrill in Pickerington!! That or there are several that are very close to the school.

Brother text me and said that we have power again. YAY!! Cause my laptop is gonna die soon!!! NOT GOOD!

Just in case you were wondering just writing this much has taken almost an hour because I'm taking notes at the same time.... at least I was. Now, not so much. ew. It's dark as hell out right now. It's 8:20pm. You know I kinda like putting the time as I type. I think it's interesting to see what I type when. I didn't do that tonight because I just didn't TT-TT

Bad Sarah **yawn** there is cashew chicken and rice sitting in my car waiting for me to eat it. Or at least finish eating it. Oh! I think we might be done for the night. Or not. He just said break time for a lil bit. DAMN!!!! I want to go home TT-TT I'm tired of listening to this man talk! Ugh!! For real. He just said ten minute break then he'll talk to nine then he'll let us go home.

WOOOO home now! Tired but of course I'm not gonna go to bed. Lol I'mma stay up and play on my comp.

Night dearies